Everything I do, Is For You

I’m 18, and yet I constantly feel as though I’m shouting at my parents “Be proud of me!!!” casually dropping things such as, getting an A or leaving an aced paper on the kitchen table, little things just to feel … Continue reading

I can’t be in a relationship right now

I can’t be in a relationship right now, because I can’t care for you. I can’t give you everything. 

I will push you away. I will want to be alone all the time. I will snap at you. I just can’t put the energy needed for a good relationship right now. 

I can’t do it. 

I need to heal myself. I need to fix myself. I can’t fix you unless I fix myself. I cannot take care of you, If I cannot even take care of myself. 

No matter how much I want you. No matter how much I want to meet you and hold and kiss you. In the current state I would ruin it. 

You only get one shot, I cannot ruin my only shot because I’m a little sad. 

So now I’m gonna go out and drink and give out free love. 

But only a little at a time. 

Only for a night. 

You will get the best I promise. 

I promise it won’t be long. I’ll be better soon. 

I promise.

In Medio

I’m not going to lie. 

There are good days.

And there are bad days.

Then sometimes,

There’s inbetween days

Fight away the dark 

Force the light;

And it just makes me so tired.

Too tired to eat. 

Too tired to sleep. 

Too tired to do makeup.

Hair 

Or Homework.

Too tired to check messages

The weather

Or the oven

Remaining motionless

Every piece on guard

Don’t touch

Every touch a knife 

Get away

Have to do this alone

 

War Inside 

Image

Cold

Image

 

Winter is when life sort of dies for a moment.

Everything gets quiet.

Some people cannot withstand the silence so they break out and scream and yell, distract themselves from the cool air seeping into their souls. 

Others embrace the cold quiet and let it in. 

Let themselves feel death for a moment. Sadness rushes in with flurries of rain frozen in time, opening up to show the beauty within entirely exposed. 

Sadness is beauty. 

It’s makes you feel and remember passion.

Spring comes and new ideals and ways fill what has died off. 

Death is a form of creation.