I’m 18, and yet I constantly feel as though I’m shouting at my parents “Be proud of me!!!” casually dropping things such as, getting an A or leaving an aced paper on the kitchen table, little things just to feel … Continue reading
I can’t be in a relationship right now, because I can’t care for you. I can’t give you everything.
I will push you away. I will want to be alone all the time. I will snap at you. I just can’t put the energy needed for a good relationship right now.
I can’t do it.
I need to heal myself. I need to fix myself. I can’t fix you unless I fix myself. I cannot take care of you, If I cannot even take care of myself.
No matter how much I want you. No matter how much I want to meet you and hold and kiss you. In the current state I would ruin it.
You only get one shot, I cannot ruin my only shot because I’m a little sad.
So now I’m gonna go out and drink and give out free love.
But only a little at a time.
Only for a night.
You will get the best I promise.
I promise it won’t be long. I’ll be better soon.
I’m not going to lie.
There are good days.
And there are bad days.
There’s inbetween days
Fight away the dark
Force the light;
And it just makes me so tired.
Too tired to eat.
Too tired to sleep.
Too tired to do makeup.
Too tired to check messages
Or the oven
Every piece on guard
Every touch a knife
Have to do this alone
Winter is when life sort of dies for a moment.
Everything gets quiet.
Some people cannot withstand the silence so they break out and scream and yell, distract themselves from the cool air seeping into their souls.
Others embrace the cold quiet and let it in.
Let themselves feel death for a moment. Sadness rushes in with flurries of rain frozen in time, opening up to show the beauty within entirely exposed.
Sadness is beauty.
It’s makes you feel and remember passion.
Spring comes and new ideals and ways fill what has died off.
Death is a form of creation.