“Those Three Words Are Said Too Much, But Not Enough”

He told me he loved me.

I was prepping to get out of the car and he said wait I want you to read something and I said now? and he pulled my door shut and dug into the compartment to pull out the leather bound notebook I gave him for Christmas. Tears weld in my eyes, a part of me knew, but I wasn’t scared. I didn’t want to run, I just wanted to stay, stay in the moment forever. The note was addressed to me, he shut off the radio and I read every beautiful word written down on that page, slightly mad and a bit distracted like his beautiful mind is, little inside jokes and him telling me a little thing about those three words, I looked up at him and he says, turn the page. There it is, top of the page simple as day, I can’t remember if he said it aloud or if his voice filled my mind as I read the three most beautiful words off the notebook page. I turned to him and said I love you too, and I’m not saying it drunkenly this time! we both giggled and he said it again and I said it and I wanted to say it first again so I said it again and I mussed out the thank yous and words that would never tell him how much he meant to me and how much those beautiful words meant to me.

I think sometimes when you’re with someone great, someone who’s your best friend, your boyfriend, and your confidant, you just feel love earlier, I had caught myself almost telling him I love him multiple times, way too early but I meant it. Isn’t that just absolutely crazy?!

Anyway, now I’m rambling, but I just wanted to let all you lonely hearts out there that it is possible for everyone and it is real and it doesn’t matter if you’ve been hurt, if you’ve been left behind, if you have divorced parents, if you’re depressed or anxious or whatever, because somebody loves you and when you’re ready and when you’re happy with yourself and your life, they will find you and fit right into place ready to take the world by storm with you.

Patience, love.

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Everything I do, Is For You

I’m 18, and yet I constantly feel as though I’m shouting at my parents “Be proud of me!!!” casually dropping things such as, getting an A or leaving an aced paper on the kitchen table, little things just to feel … Continue reading

Love is Created by Two People

I’ve been one to have many doubts about love. 

For valid reasons, I’m a skeptic; three generations of divorce and deceit, a heart that has been taped back together too many times, and being used like a gas station bathroom in the middle of Nevada. 

I was thinking about love today and what it really means to me. 

I want a baby I can already feel the love that I have the ability to give a child. The warmth and pure beauty of holding something that my body had created in my arms. 

Then it hit me. 

A baby in which I had CREATED. Something/Someone that I brought to this World. 

We, naturally as humans, Create. We write, think, perceive, dance, sing, speak.

We LOVE our CREATIONS. 

So what if love is a creation?

A Creation that takes two individuals to create over a lifetime.

A creation that takes effort, A creation that needs revisions, A creation that requires certain skills, A creation that makes you happy, A creation that makes you sad, A creation that brings you comfort and a place in this vast universe. 

A creation that requires two people; when it is put on the shoulders of one it falls apart. When the creation can’t seem to come together and it becomes time to let go and create something new, something better.

Love is a Creation. 

Go Create, but remember not all creations are masterpieces. Make sure to know when yours isn’t right for you and when you need to put more effort into it. 

A painting didn’t come together without a paintbrush, canvas, and the will for the painter to pick up the brush and begin the creation. 

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Why I Want to Be a Young Mother

There’s only so much pain a heart can take

before the broken vessels sow themselves up with wrenching memories

and cold nights

and sadness

the heart seems to lag contrary to a passionate roar.

there’s only so much pain a heat can take

before it closes its door to everything

holds on to the few perks of delight it has left

perfects that cold smile

devoid of all light

I want to be able to love my children

with every bit of my heart

I never want to be a broken mother

introducing a child into a broken world

I want them to feel love

I want them to feel

as many have lost the ability to.

thats why I want to be a young mother.