“Miss?” My head snaps in the direction of the reception desk where a curly blonde woman in a blue aviator uniform complete with 1950s spectacles sits. She glances in my direction as I stand, others around me in the waiting room … Continue reading
I’ve been one to have many doubts about love.
For valid reasons, I’m a skeptic; three generations of divorce and deceit, a heart that has been taped back together too many times, and being used like a gas station bathroom in the middle of Nevada.
I was thinking about love today and what it really means to me.
I want a baby I can already feel the love that I have the ability to give a child. The warmth and pure beauty of holding something that my body had created in my arms.
Then it hit me.
A baby in which I had CREATED. Something/Someone that I brought to this World.
We, naturally as humans, Create. We write, think, perceive, dance, sing, speak.
We LOVE our CREATIONS.
So what if love is a creation?
A Creation that takes two individuals to create over a lifetime.
A creation that takes effort, A creation that needs revisions, A creation that requires certain skills, A creation that makes you happy, A creation that makes you sad, A creation that brings you comfort and a place in this vast universe.
A creation that requires two people; when it is put on the shoulders of one it falls apart. When the creation can’t seem to come together and it becomes time to let go and create something new, something better.
Love is a Creation.
Go Create, but remember not all creations are masterpieces. Make sure to know when yours isn’t right for you and when you need to put more effort into it.
A painting didn’t come together without a paintbrush, canvas, and the will for the painter to pick up the brush and begin the creation.
I can’t be in a relationship right now, because I can’t care for you. I can’t give you everything.
I will push you away. I will want to be alone all the time. I will snap at you. I just can’t put the energy needed for a good relationship right now.
I can’t do it.
I need to heal myself. I need to fix myself. I can’t fix you unless I fix myself. I cannot take care of you, If I cannot even take care of myself.
No matter how much I want you. No matter how much I want to meet you and hold and kiss you. In the current state I would ruin it.
You only get one shot, I cannot ruin my only shot because I’m a little sad.
So now I’m gonna go out and drink and give out free love.
But only a little at a time.
Only for a night.
You will get the best I promise.
I promise it won’t be long. I’ll be better soon.