If There’s, One Thing You Should Know…

I guess it would be that I think about offing myself almost daily even though I’m the “Happiest I’ve ever been..”

It’s not really because I hate my life. I honest to goodness don’t. I wish I could give it to someone who deserves it more.

Someone who can handle it and not take it for granted.

I’ve tried to be that person… I really have.

But, the stress is never ending! There’s always something new to stress or over think about.

And I think that I over exaggerate the stressors so that I have a reason to kick the bucket.

I had a whole plan to get help… and now I’m becoming a nurse…

You can’t be a nurse with a mental health problem… it’s unheard of!

Sick/Crazy people don’t want to be in the hands of another crazy person! I mean really how is that helping them at all!

I can’t have a breakdown because then no one will hire me.

I wish I was just one of those normal girls… one of the girls that the people I (think) I love deserve.

One of those girls who twist my insides until they rupture with jealousy.

It’s all so dumb too. Jealousy is dumb. mental illness is dumb. people are dumb.

Just send me to Mars with the rest of the people who obviously aren’t just going to try to live on Mars just for science and discovery, pleassseee! Let’s get real.

It’s a suicide mission. At least the people get to off themselves and go down in the history books as heroes, whereas if you run you’re car into a pole and they realize you weren’t on something you’re just another name family name ended, a pointless existence swept away with the dust, and another body taking up precious Earth.

Welcome to Adulthood

“Miss?” My head snaps in the direction of the reception desk where a curly blonde woman in a blue aviator uniform complete with 1950s spectacles sits. She glances in my direction as I stand, others around me in the waiting room … Continue reading

The Future

the future at 5:
I want to be a singer and live in a mansion and have lots of friends and lots of pets and oh I can’t wait!

the future at 9:
I love science and I want to be a vet and help animals! But I won’t kill them because that’s too mean! I want to have lots of boyfriends and be married at 18 just like a Disney princess. I want to live in a big house and ewh never have kids but I want 3 dogs, 2 cats, and a rabbit! Oh I can’t wait!

The future at 15:
I hate science and math! I want to create movies and be a celebrity in Hollywood. I want to write scripts and direct movies! I want to get married at 25 ooh maybe to that cute guy I met in history class, please! I have the best friends ever and I want to grow old with them. I want to live in a huge house and have lots of kids! Oh I can’t wait!

The future at 16:
Maybe, films are harder than I thought and maybe I’m not really cut out for that. I really love sociology and psychology! Maybe I’ll be a psychologist or something! I don’t need any man to make me happy, boys are stupid! But, I still want 4 kids! And maybe just 2 dogs and cat and a medium sized house. Oh I can’t wait.

The future at 18:
I want to die and move on. The world has nothing left for me. I have no talent and no passion. I have no capacity for love nor trust. I have no money and no friends. I’m a disgrace and a pain on my family. The world would be better If I just moved on. Oh, I can’t wait..

How do things change so quickly.