Settle My Mind, Caress My Heart

Wow

If you would’ve told me a year ago what my life is today I would have laughed, cried, and maybe punched you in the face for being a complete and utter asshole.

But Wow.

I always read things on Tumblr saying “A year from now you’ll laugh about this.” and guys I’m going to let you in on a little secret… It’s true. Gosh I never thought things could end up this way for me. I so damn… happy? And it’s not because of the boy, well not completely, but the boy is the reason I’m writing tonight.

I tend to think of myself as being a bit pessimistic about things love related, it tends to be in my nature with separated parents and an abusive line of gentlemen in my life. It’s only natural for me to be scared and untrustworthy. So usually I avoid everything love related. For some reason though, this one I took a chance. Without even really thinking about it I said yes. Of course I’ll go out with you. That night I worried over a glass of aged brandy. Trying to back out, talk myself out of jumping. I decided that it didn’t have to be a long thing, hell college is coming up, that’s an easy out! So I contented myself with that.

And then he asked me out BEFORE our first official date, which drove me berserk!

But… the date was lovely. We clicked and laughed about the awkward things that happened and really made a joke about everything, and I found that I really liked him. Oh Fuck.

But, gosh no one has ever treated me as amazing as he has.

He’s too good for me.

It’s like he can read my mind. For instance, he studied with a girlfriend tonight which ended up driving me crazy, of course. I know I can trust him, but I looked in the mirror and watched my skin turn a light shade of green. Then I really start to worry about trust and the future and overall not being good enough.

Then

My phone dings. A message.. an unbelievably short and sweet message from him telling me that I’m wonderful and that he is lucky to have me and like the waves after a hurricane, my mind stills and my pulse returns to a steady beat.

I wouldn’t be telling you this if it were a one time thing, it’s not, it’s been happening since the beginning. This lovely mind reading that can only make me wonder, hope, dream, desire to make it to the end with this one.

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