I Wish I Could Be Drunk All The Time.. With No Consequences

I love me when I’m drunk. 

I’m suave. 

charming

sweet

interesting

intelligent 

and I ALWAYS know what to say

I don’t feel so much pain 

I don’t feel so anxious. 

I feel free

and perfect

and pretty. 

It’s made sober so damn fucking difficult. 

Everything I do now is followed by wow this would be 10x better drunk. 

It’s like I get to sit back and give control to someone else. 

something else.

It takes over and gives me a break. 

It sooths my aching 

muscles 

heart  

soul. 

It tells me to relax and sleep

It gives me the opportunity to leave and never return. 

But I know I have to hold on to the string. 

just for now. 

One though

One day I will be able to let go

fall into the abyss

and fly.

I can’t be in a relationship right now

I can’t be in a relationship right now, because I can’t care for you. I can’t give you everything. 

I will push you away. I will want to be alone all the time. I will snap at you. I just can’t put the energy needed for a good relationship right now. 

I can’t do it. 

I need to heal myself. I need to fix myself. I can’t fix you unless I fix myself. I cannot take care of you, If I cannot even take care of myself. 

No matter how much I want you. No matter how much I want to meet you and hold and kiss you. In the current state I would ruin it. 

You only get one shot, I cannot ruin my only shot because I’m a little sad. 

So now I’m gonna go out and drink and give out free love. 

But only a little at a time. 

Only for a night. 

You will get the best I promise. 

I promise it won’t be long. I’ll be better soon. 

I promise.