I love me when I’m drunk.
and I ALWAYS know what to say
I don’t feel so much pain
I don’t feel so anxious.
I feel free
It’s made sober so damn fucking difficult.
Everything I do now is followed by wow this would be 10x better drunk.
It’s like I get to sit back and give control to someone else.
It takes over and gives me a break.
It sooths my aching
It tells me to relax and sleep
It gives me the opportunity to leave and never return.
But I know I have to hold on to the string.
just for now.
One day I will be able to let go
fall into the abyss
I can’t be in a relationship right now, because I can’t care for you. I can’t give you everything.
I will push you away. I will want to be alone all the time. I will snap at you. I just can’t put the energy needed for a good relationship right now.
I can’t do it.
I need to heal myself. I need to fix myself. I can’t fix you unless I fix myself. I cannot take care of you, If I cannot even take care of myself.
No matter how much I want you. No matter how much I want to meet you and hold and kiss you. In the current state I would ruin it.
You only get one shot, I cannot ruin my only shot because I’m a little sad.
So now I’m gonna go out and drink and give out free love.
But only a little at a time.
Only for a night.
You will get the best I promise.
I promise it won’t be long. I’ll be better soon.